The Feel of Fall

(originally written on 10/30/09)
Fall has a special feel all its own. A special smell, a special taste, a special emotion. Fall is a time of new beginnings. When I was a kid, fall meant a new school year, new clothes to go to school in, probably a new lunch box, new teacher, and maybe even new friends. Always the nostalgic one, for me summer's end always brought a tinge of sadness with it. As I listened to the droning of the locusts, it felt like such a sad song. A time to put away what was a whole year of being a certain person, now moving on with new expectations. Moving ahead meant change, which I often resisted like the plague.

Fall has the smell of leaves. The fallen, dry, colorful antithesis to the full-of-life greens we see in the summer. Leaves to rake, jump in, roll in, and throw around. Carl rakes them onto a tarp, ties it to the tractor, then pulls the kids around the yard in the pile of leaves, laughing like crazy as they try to stand and fall into the pile while the tractor is moving. I have resigned myself to watching this every fall as I chew my fingernails hoping no one gets hurt. It wouldn't be the same with green leaves. Somehow fall is the perfect time for this.

A chill forms in the air that is hard to shake, so out comes the sweatshirts and flannels that we packed away last spring. I must admit that putting them on gives a warm cozy feeling that's hard to resist! We throw a few logs in our woodburning stove and breathe deeply that wonderful woodburning smell. The kids always say, "It smells like camping." Ummm! Add that to the list of cozy feelings and good smells. My boys come in the house smelling like the wild wind and the outdoors. "You smell like a boy," I always say.

Now that we're cold, and noses are dripping, we have to get warm, of course. So out comes the hot chocolate with marshmallows, and perhaps we'll have chili for dinner tonight. Ahh, the comfort of food in a warm house with people we love. It's not all Norman Rockwell, sometimes it's downright messy. But we have begun the fall rituals together. We prepare for colder weather and being in the house more together. Little by little we work out our relationships as fall forces us to rub shoulders a little closer.

Halloween is a very looked-forward-to event in our family. Our little neighborhood of approximately 25 families comes together one last time to traipse around with our little munchkins whooping it up with their costumes and candy before cold weather sets in . It is a temporary farewell of sorts. And a celebration of another year in the journey of parenting together. In a world of garage door communities, our cul-de-sac is refreshingly there for one another in a way reminiscient of childhood days.

Then there's Thanksgiving, days off school, Christmas shopping, baking cookies, scheduled activities too numerous to mention like dance class, music lessons, and church activities. The benefits of which are sometimes lost in the mad dash to get from here to there and back again without losing my religion or getting a speeding ticket. And yet the structured madness is probably what keeps me sane!

The seasons roll on, the kids grow, we establish traditions without even realizing it. Will I ever cherish the season I'm in, or will I always long for the one past? For now, for yet one more day, I try to hold on to the feel of fall. I know this season will come again, but when it does, my family will be a different family, and I will be a different person.